How To Choose Your Partner For Marriage – The dating game can be tough, so when you meet someone and it just clicks, it’s no wonder you want to commit to a lifetime together. Unfortunately, an affair is not the only indicator that you are ready for marriage. So how do you know? If you had a crystal ball – and you believed it would work – you would look into its depths and ask one question: “Should I get married?”
Determining whether you are ready for marriage is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. To help, we talked to relationship expert Pareen Sehat, MC, RCC, to learn 15 signs you’re ready to get married.
How To Choose Your Partner For Marriage
Pareen Sehat, MC, RCC, is the clinical director of Wellness Counseling. He is a registered counselor with BCACC.
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The ability to trust each other is the foundation of any successful relationship. Without it, you may have love, but your marriage will be full of tension. “It is very important,” explains Sehat. “Think about any healthy relationship in your life, from a significant other to a business partnership. Is there trust in it?”
Our lives rarely follow a straight path—they go round and round and round. Do you know where you are going? And, most importantly, you talked to your partner. “It’s hard to be on the same page when you’re moving in different directions,” Sehat said. “You don’t have to have the same goals, but if you can support each other for the benefit of the relationship, you’re in a good place. Being open and honest about it from the start can save a lot of disappointment down the line.”
Feeling safe and secure in the relationship will save you years of heartbreak once you’re married. “The foundation of it starts with a lack of judgment,” Sehat said. “Can you be yourself around this individual? If you are trying your best to be someone else, I encourage you to think about how it will feel in the years to come. The effect on your self-esteem and anxiety it can cause.”
Chances are you will face some obstacles in life, so it is important to consider whether or not you and your partner are ready to fight them hand in hand. “Yes, undisturbed love and joy in a relationship can be a good thing,” says Sehat. “However, facing a difficult goal together can build a lot of strength and trust in a marriage.”
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When you dream of walking down the aisle and sharing those vows, can you imagine what happens next? Marriage is a celebration, but your marriage must be strong enough to last a lifetime. “Do you see a future with this person beyond your wedding date?” asked Sehat. “Can you imagine growing old with them?” Be completely honest with yourself here.
Introducing a new partner to your family is a big step. While you don’t want to base your decision on what your family thinks, their opinions may change when you get married. “Although we have no control over this factor, it can be very important,” said Sehat. “Your family’s acceptance of your partner can help facilitate the healthiest version of your marriage. It often takes time to get there. Sorry, they also build trust!”
“This may seem like an obvious point, so let’s explain,” Sehat said. Like and love are not the same thing. You can be completely in love with someone, but it means nothing if you don’t like and respect them. “We’ve established that you like them, but do you like who they are?” he asked. “Do you admire them? Do you enjoy their company?” Take a step back and really think about these questions.
Saying “I do” isn’t cheap. “Marriage will probably be your first significant endeavor as a couple,” explains Sehat. “If you can’t afford the wedding of your dreams right now, take the time to save for it and avoid financial pressure right away.”
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Where do you see things going, honestly? “Are you open to talking to your partner about the future?” asked Sehat. “If you are, it means you see them as part of that future. It also shows that you’re not afraid to spend your life with them and are ready for marriage.”
Notice how you act and feel when you are with your partner. Is this a version of yourself that you want? “A compatible partner can bring out the best in you,” says Sehat. “They push you to be a better version of yourself and can encourage a positive outlook on life.”
Are you playing a one-sided game of table tennis? If you’re putting in all the work and getting little in return, you might want to hold off on the wedding bells. “A successful marriage is never one-sided,” says Sehat. “When both parties are willing to put in the work, that’s a good sign that you’re ready for marriage.”
The best relationships are those where partners can break up and get back together. “Marriage is not about losing your identity,” advises Sehat. “You can pursue your own interests, have your own hobbies, have your own friends, and you can have a healthy marriage.”
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Money is always a big problem. “Probably the least romantic, but most important point,” Sehat said. “You and your partner should feel comfortable discussing finances and have a proper budget, not only for the wedding, but for your life. This shows that you are ready to manage a household and a marriage.” It might be awkward, but sit down and talk about it pronto.
Before asking the question, check with yourself. What motivates this decision? “Unfortunately, the most obvious and common reasons are not exactly motivated by the best things,” said Sehat. “To acquire wealth, unplanned pregnancy, immigration, or even to justify your commitment after a big mistake.”
This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-year Postgraduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certifications in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
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Choosing a life partner is a big decision and not taken lightly. When choosing a man to marry, ask yourself many questions and evaluate what you want. Know your own role and responsibilities in creating a happy relationship and recognize that it is up to you to create the relationship you want. Be comfortable with who you are and make an effort to share each other’s family. Talk about your differences and any potential problems that may arise as a couple.
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This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-year Postgraduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certifications in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). This article has been viewed 420,421 times.
Choosing the right man to marry depends on many factors, but you want to make sure you agree on the most important things, such as religion, finances, and your approach to relationships. While you certainly don’t have to share the same religious beliefs, try to find someone with whom you can find common ground and learn from. However, if religion is important to you, you may need to find someone who is willing to convert. Money can be a source of conflict in a marriage, so find someone who budgets and spends the same way you do. Also, see how she navigates other relationships. Avoid marrying a man who has a lot of problems in his life and doesn’t want to explain why they happen, because he can carry that attitude into a marriage. For more help from our co-authors, like how to feel comfortable with yourself before marriage, read on. Sarah Zlotnick is a journalist with 10 years of experience and has
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